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Post by paulwest on Oct 2, 2012 18:03:30 GMT -5
Finally I got back to work on my writing. All last week I was tied up in training meetings. So, I've been able to critique a chapter of a novel for a member of my critique group and sent out two queries for Bridge to Destiny.
Here's to not holding my breath, but still crossing my fingers.
What's y'all been up to,
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Post by paulwest on Oct 15, 2012 14:17:42 GMT -5
I guess we died again. Sob! I'll miss you all.
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Post by charlie on Oct 15, 2012 17:49:35 GMT -5
I wonder Paul if maybe we are all coming to life and just getting too busy with family, job, church and writing to visit like we use to. Even if comments are only occasional I hope a few of us still stop in to at least say "hi"
I believe I've forged some friendships here.
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Post by sachiko on Oct 16, 2012 17:06:02 GMT -5
same here.
I haven't heard from Gary or Sister T. in a long time, though!
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Post by paulwest on Oct 17, 2012 17:44:04 GMT -5
Well, I'm glad to see a couple of us are still here. I've forged some great friendships here too and hate to lose that. Frankly, I'd like to see this site grow back to the LDS Writers group it used to be a few years ago. There used to be some great writers here (there) who could give some great advice on our writing questions.
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Post by paulwest on Oct 22, 2012 17:59:30 GMT -5
Just in case someone is still here (besides me, that is). I need help with a word.
Here's the context: "Maureen O’Malley sat on the sandy shore of the newly constructed reservoir, her feet just below the water’s cool surface. She normally would have loved the feel of the warm spring air, lightly tugging at her dress and petticoats, pulled risquely above her ankles."
Is risquely a word, or do you know what word I need here?
Thanks if you're here and can help.
Paul
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Post by charlie on Oct 23, 2012 12:05:22 GMT -5
Hi Paul, We're not dead yet. I don't know if risquely is a word or not. Based on the word risque I offer these alternatives for your consideration.
provocatively salaciously suggestively daringly
Hope this helps.
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Post by paulwest on Oct 23, 2012 17:53:40 GMT -5
Great suggestions, Charlie. Thank you.
I'm thinking we all need to ask more questions about our writing. That way, we'll attract each other to respond to something rather than just telling us about our progress -- or lack thereof.
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Post by sachiko on Oct 24, 2012 15:44:12 GMT -5
mmm, good idea, Paul!
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Post by paulwest on Oct 25, 2012 10:42:28 GMT -5
OK, here's what I came up with:
""Maureen O’Malley sat on the sandy shore of the newly constructed reservoir, her feet just below the water’s cool surface. She normally would have loved the feel of the warm spring air, lightly tugging at her dress and petticoats, pulled a risque few inches above her ankles."
Do you think that works?
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Post by sachiko on Oct 26, 2012 15:05:07 GMT -5
I have to admit, I lean more towards a judgement-neutral verb or description like "caressed her ankles" instead of needing risque at all.
I mean, unless this character needs to be thought of as risque; then you'll have to work it in somehow.
I guess my question is, is Maureen a fairly good person who just likes to expose her ankles sometimes? Would she expose them when others are around, especially in unfamiliar or mixed company? How does she feel about her role?
That's what goes through my head--is she chafing at the heaviness and heat of her clothing, or is she just free-spirited, or is she careless and lets her skirts creep up a bit when she's outside, or is she trying to attract attention, or is she lewd and suggestive anyway, or...?
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Post by paulwest on Oct 29, 2012 11:47:07 GMT -5
Good questions Sachiko. I guess the best explanation of Maureen is that she's more free-spirited. However, while she may feel there's nothing wrong with exposing her ankles, she would not dream of doing anything more than that. Does that make sense? Actually, in this scene, I think she's more looking at not getting her skirts wet as she dangles her bare feet in the lake, though in those days (about 1909) exposing one's ankles could be seen as being risque'.
Does that make any sense?
Thanks, Paul
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Post by sachiko on Nov 7, 2012 22:25:15 GMT -5
sorry it took me so long to respond.
Well, if she's concerned with keeping her skirts out of the water, and just accidentally bares her ankles too much, then I'd go with that as the description. I like that. It shows her character--not a floozy, just....free-spirited, like you said.
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